


The Permanent Slumber Party that is Wade and Peter's Living Situation

by DittyWitty



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: American Vandal Season 2 spoiler, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, BUT THEY AREN'T EVEN TOGETHER, Banter, Cat Walking, Cats, Confessions, Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cuddling with cats, Denial, Domestic Fluff, Drabbles, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Halloween, House Sitting, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jealousy, Kidnapping, M/M, MJ is a stoner and that is canon fight me, Moving In Together, Nicknames, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Not talking about feelings, Not-Boyfriends, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker-centric, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wade has a Pet Cat, but its a cat, have your dentist on speed dial for this one, holy shit so much fluff, i edited the tittle and the summary!!!!!, i think its funnnyyy soo, its like 200 words of it, last known as "the permanent platonic slumber party that is Wade and Peter's living situation", made minor edits, no freaky kinky shit okay!!!!, so its more like catnapping, stupid villain, very brief though, yes peter does get jealous of a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 21:52:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16273082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittyWitty/pseuds/DittyWitty
Summary: Peter has done some pretty embarrassing stuff. Mostly in high school, you know; calling his bio teacher Mr. Gilien "Mom" even though his mom is literally dead, or that one time he got caught making out with Daniel Radlin in his high school bathroom, or that one time he made a fake account to follow some girls from his high school so he could creep anonymously. To be fair he was 13 at the time.But Peter had never stooped as low as being jealous a cat.That was, of course, until Wade adopted an annoyingly adorable orange tabby named Judy.





	The Permanent Slumber Party that is Wade and Peter's Living Situation

For a while, Spiderman was the light of Wade’s life. Okay, maybe he’s exaggerating a bit about a spandex hero being the “light of his life”, but you get the point. Peter was Wade’s friend. He would actually consider them good friends/co-workers/ technical partners in crime. What? It’s true. Punching people in the face is against the law, even if it’s in the name of sweet justice and American spirit, or whatever.

But if you _really_ think about it, it’s kind of like a double negative, you know? Breaking the law to stop people from breaking the law. Or at least that’s what Peter tells himself.

He’s getting off track here. The point is, they were really close. Until Wade fucking Wilson adopted a cat. Sure they’re still “besties 4 lyfe” or whatever and hang out all the damn time, but it’s different now. Because Wade spends that time softly petting the cat while they’re talking, and occasionally says weird shit like “I’m going to eat him, he’s so damn cute.” Wade calls Judy pet names, as a pet owner calls their pet. Which at first, was adorable if Peter’s being honest. But after a while, he was kinda mad about it. Where were his pet names? Petey-Pie, Baby boy, PB and Wade (that’s their duo name, get it? Like PB and J? J kinda sounds like Wade, you dig? Look, it sounds cooler out loud.) P-lumpkin, Webs, Spider-Jesus, Pete and Potatoes. He can go on. Yeah, and Wade still calls him by those stupid pet names, but it’s not the same. If Judy/Judy-Patooti/Juder-runcsers/Judirunski/orange chicken/baby boy (that one _really_ pissed Peter off) gets them, then is Peter even that special?

It’s so annoyingly cute. The way Wade cares for Judy, how Wade pets him and plays with him. How Wade coos over him and how you can just see how much Wade loves that damn cat.

Peter’s a _teensy weensy, tiny winy_ bit bitter about it. Not to be over dramatic or anything (who Peter? Dramatic? _Never!_ ), but Peter had finally decided that he hates the stupid squishy fucking cat when Wade cancels their plans to take Judy to the vet. You know, like normal pet owners do.

Yeah, Peter’s jealous of a fucking _cat._ Don’t remind him. He wants to be cared for like that, he wants to cuddle with Wade and have stupid pet names. He wants to eat dinner with him all the time and coo at each other.

Stupid sappy domestic stuff. Of course, there are _other_ things he wants to do with Wade, but he'll spare you the X-rated details.

[Go watch porn instead, you fuckin weirdos]

[Wait, I’m not supposed to be in this fic. Oops.]

It’s not that big of a deal, he’s _not_ in fucking _love_ with Wade. He just wants to spend every second with him, like other people think that about their crushes. Well, not really. Peter doesn't know what’s worse, being jealous of a cat or the fact that he’s had to buy lube a lot more often now that Wade is in his life. He doesn’t tell people this, only MJ. Usually, she’s just high and he just rambles, and she just says “that’s crazy” every two minutes. Surprisingly, she doesn’t judge him when he confesses that he might be a little jealous of a cat.

“I get that. You know, wanting to be loved and all that.” MJ shrugged, validating Peter, like thank god. He was really starting to feel crazy.

“So I’m not crazy for being jealous of a 5-pound orange tabby?” Peter peered, which was honestly stupid, why would he ask any serious questions to someone who's stoned out of their mind? Well, it’s actually not that bad of an idea.

“No, you definitely are. It just makes sense. You just gotta like, tell him how you feel or some shit. I don’t know man.” Well, there goes that.

“That’s not going to happen, I don’t think he feels the same way.”

“That’s crazy.”

“You already said that, like 4 times.” Peter pointed out, even though it was pretty useless at this point.

“Wow, really? Shit, that’s fucking crazy. I’m just really fucking high right now, Peter.” MJ states then took another hit, then attempts to pass the blunt to Peter, who refuses _again_.

“Oh really? You don’t say?” Peter laughed.

“No, I do say. That’s what I just- Oh! Yeah.” MJ laughs at herself, her eyes half closed and with a dopey smile on her face. “That’s crazy, man.” She says, again. Peter just laughs and shakes his head, thinking about long scarred fingers combing through orange fur.

-

That following Sunday, Peter’s phone rings, therefore creating the most annoying noises in the history of the world. It’s just so _damn loud._ He slips off his gloves and picks up his phone. Turns out, Wade is calling him. Interesting. He picks up immediately, completely forgetting about his camera repairs. Oh, and his heater is broken, it’s kinda hard to repair a camera with wool gloves on and chattering teeth.

“Hello?” Peter askes, even though he already knows who it is.

“Petey! Hey, it’s Wade. So, I have a huge favor to ask.” Wade’s smooth voice being music to Peter’s very cold ears.

“Uh, okay. Depends what it is.” Peter tried his hardest not to shiver.

“So, I kinda need someone to house-sit and like, mostly taking care of Judy and making sure no one comes in. Like, I would have Weasel do it, but he’s allergic to cats and doesn't like 'em either, which is honestly so _lame_. So, anyway. Would you do it? I’ll pay you.” Wade rambles, his almost comically cheery tone flowing in his ears. Peter thinks about it, on one hand, Wade’s apartment smells like Wade. Yeah, it’s creepy he knows. But it’s like a second home to Peter and he even has some of his stuff at Wade’s place. Also, his heater is broken, so he’s kinda freezing to death right now. On the other hand, there’s one big problem. Mother fucking Judy. He kinda hates that stupid cat. But he hates being cold more.

“Sure, my heater is broken anyway. I'll take the warmth as payment.”

“How about no, I'll give you some money,” Wade says mischievously, and Peter can almost hear the terrible wink Wade’s most likely doing right now.

“Seriously Wade, I don’t want your money. Where are you even going anyway?” Peter asked in his best “who, me?” voice he can do, like as if he isn’t in need of money right now.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, and I’ll be gone for like, a week. Top Secret stuff, P-lumpkin.”

“Stop calling me that!” Peter whines as if he doesn’t love the nicknames. What? He isn’t going to give Wade the satisfaction.

“Whatever Pete and Potatoes. Just come over tonight and I’ll show you the ropes. I leave early tomorrow morning, so.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“See ya.”

“Bye, Wade.”

-

Peter climbed in Wade’s apartment a couple hours later, with a duffle bag strapped on his shoulder. He dropped it instantly, getting instant relief from the strap digging into his shoulder, and of-fucking-course, he’s met with Judy. Who’s currently rubbing his body against Peter’s right calf, getting his fur everywhere. He’s purring. The damn bastard must be getting off on this, how dare he.

“Do you just like, _not_ use the door on purpose?” Wade’s voice rang out, causing Peter to look up at him and break the death glare he was shooting Judy. He shrugged.

“Where's the fun in that?”

“Now this is why I like you, Peter.” Wade smiled at Peter, one of the ones that make his stomach do all sorts of crazy things. Well, all of his smiles do that, but anyway. Wade wore that stupid smile and had twinkling eyes, and he was looking at Peter, Wade was stepping forward now, and for a second in Peter’s stupid rom-com brain thought Wade was going to kiss him. He felt his body getting hot and he stomach fall to the floor, all Peter could think about how _this could be it. Was this the moment he had been waiting for?_

No, of course _not_. Wade bent down and picked up Judy, earning a small meow from the tabby and started walking towards the bathroom. Peter followed, taking deep breaths and trying to banish away the heat that had been coloring his face. Wade pointed towards the little box that was placed in front of the toilet.

“This is his litter box. You know how to clean ‘em right?” Wade asked, teasing almost. Judy was now sitting on his shoulders, purring and nuzzling against Wade’s neck. Peter was trying not to glare, so he nodded instead, eyes trained on the poop box. It’s gross, so he looks away, his face cringing a bit. Wade notices this and laughs a bit too hard, his broad shoulders moving in a very, _very_ nice way. Judy, somehow and quite, unfortunately, stays locked on. In a way, he’s kinda like Peter.

Wade spent the next couple of minutes explaining everything to Peter, which was kinda annoying. Not because Peter doesn’t like it when Wade talks, he actually loves the sound of that deep voice and every word that comes out of it, but because it was about Judy. "Judy needs this" "feed him this", blah blah blah. Whatever. His instructions were straightforward, telling Peter the basic things he needs to do, which basically boiled down to feeding him twice a day and handling the litter box, and giving Judy attention all the time. 

20 minutes later, Wade’s leaving, not without giving Judy lots of hugs and kisses. Peter got a hug too, but no kisses, unfortunately. Wade handed him a spare key and walked out of his apartment, giving Peter a shy wave before turning around to make his way towards the steps. Luckily Peter was blessed with the view of that ass in spandex, _Nice. "_ Hate to see you leave, love to watch you go" and all that.

So that’s that. Peter was going to be stuck with the cutest, yet most annoying cat of all time. For a whole week. He’ll try not to kill the thing out of jealousy.

 -

On Day 2, Peter decided he might or might not loved Judy. Sure, jealousy's a bitch and it’s _kinda_ hard to get over the fact that a cat is stealing all of Wade’s attention, but Judy is just so god damn cute.

So, all things aside, Judy is not like,  _that_ bad.

It went like this.

After Wade left, Peter decided to angst and grab some ramen and have a "oh poor me, Wade will never love me" angsting session watching American Vandal. Next thing he knows he’s crying, for no damn reason. Maybe he just kept thinking about how Wade’s never going to want to be with him, and how it just feels like he’s always going to be alone and how much he misses Uncle Ben and how he feels like a goddamn failure all the damn time. Just mostly spiraling. So he curls into himself on Wade’s couch that smells like Wade which _totally isn’t helping right now,_ crying like a little baby. A ' _baby boy_ ', and that just makes Peter cry even more.

“I’m a baby boy, but not _his_ baby boy,” Peter mumbles to himself, but then feels a slight pressure on his arm, and low and behold it's Judy, who’s now made his place by lying on Peter’s head. Purring. Chilling there, snuggling with Peter’s head.

It makes Peter cry even harder, and now snot has made its way into the situation, on Wade’s couch. _Great._

Yet, it was almost calming; the warmth of Judy's body and the purring that has now entered the situation. His tears seem to stop falling after a couple of minutes. He moved up, feeling heavy and tired out from his crying session. He made his way over to Wade’s bed, settling in. Judy joins him, crawling on his chest kneading his paws softly, his claws nipping Peter’s skin every once in a while. Peter lets him, going on his phone for a little bit. After a couple of minutes, Peter shut off his phone, moving to his side getting ready to sleep, Judy moving with him in the process.

Peter closed his eyes, and may or may not have taken a little sniff to take in Wade’s scent like a creep, as creepy people with crushes do. In a way, it kind of feels like Wade is there with him, and Judy helps with the idea, and Peter drifted to sleep thinking that maybe Judy isn’t so bad after all.

-

Wade calls him the next night, FaceTimed him actually, demanding to see Judy, while also saying that he misses his “little spider”. Peter can’t help but roll his eyes, but of course, his heart feels warm after hearing that. The mission was going well apparently, though Wade says he doesn’t like taking orders from “assholes with stupid badges". They talked for a bit until Peter starts getting a bit sleepy and yawns, which makes Wade go apeshit for some reason. Something about “getting sleep”, yeah, whatever that is. Wade says goodbye to the both of them, of course, now demanding for pictures of Judy as often as possible, using those photographer skills or something.

-

Judy likes to climb on things. Correction, Judy likes to climb on _Peter_. He’ll be minding his damn business and Judy will just make his way onto his shoulder, or his lap, or on top of his head. Peter takes selfies whenever it happens and sends them to Wade, who apparently loves them. The stupid fuzzy feelings happen whenever Wade sends back a thousand heart emojis (and eggplant emojis?) in response.

So Peter lets Judy climb on him from then on.

-

Cat shit is gross, Peter is actually having a flashback to poop crime number 4, and actually feels sick every time he looks at it, even more so after that episode of American Vandal. He endures it though, just for Judy. By Day 5 he’s accepted that he would do _anything_ for Judy. He would even go far to take him on walks. So he buys Judy a leash, with his _own_ money, even if that meant that he’d have to eat top ramen for the next week and a half. _Worth it._

Judy likes going on walks, even if they get stared at. Not that Judy would even know that they were getting stared at, cats don’t know social standards. It doesn’t help that sometimes Peter does it in the suit, for sometimes he has to do it in inconvenient times. _“Worth it”,_ he finds himself saying to himself more and more.

Wade comes back, fucking _finally._ He gives Peter a big hug and then moves to Judy. It’s probably the highlight of his week.

“You don’t know how much I missed you both. God, Peter it was _so boring._ Yeah, I got to kick people’s asses, but it was so not worth it. I mean, c’mon, look at this face.” Wade cooed, holding Judy in a way were Peter could see Judy’s adorably cute face, even though he totally knew how cute Judy really was and didn’t need to be reminded.

"I'm looking, and I’d have to agree with you on this one,” Peter noted.

“How was he? Didn’t shit in any of your shoes, right? He’s done that before.” Wade asked, like _genuinely._ That was a genuine concern he had, shit really _does_ happen.

“Uh, no. I don’t think he did? He just cuddled with me, mostly. We go on walks, Wade.” Peter pointed out.

 _“Walks?!”_ Wade jerked, eyes wide and filled with amusement.

“Well, Yeah. He got to get exercise and all that.” Peter shrugged.

“That’s one of the literal cutest things I’ve ever heard. Like, ever. In the history of the entire world. I just died, from overdosing on cuteness.” Wade pretend to feel faint, putting a hand on his head and swaying side to side. Peter crossed his arms and shook his head, yet a smile played on his face.

“You can’t die.” Peter deadpanned and gave Wade a little push, getting a hand on that bicep for like, .02 seconds. Worth it.

“Well, I just did, so _fuck you_.” Wade retaliated, correcting him on something that was _literally the opposite of correct._

“Whatever. Look, it’s late, so you mind if I crash here? I’ll be out of your hair by morning.” Peter smiled, eyes pleading.

“Only if you watch Queer Eye with me.” Wade smiled back, moving towards the couch, practically jumping on it.

“Deal.”

-

Peter started coming over more after that. He blamed it on his broken heater and wanting to see Judy more, which was indeed true, but he did have some ulterior motives.

He would come over almost every day, if not after work, after patrol. He cuddled Judy, even though he wished it was Wade. Wade pouted sometimes and always commented on how Peter is stealing Judy from him. So be it.

“I’m just saying, you’re practically like his second Dad, I mean c’mon look!” Wade pouts as Judy starts to climb onto Peter’s shoulders, “He’s practically all over you.” Wade exclaims, and then moves in closer towards Judy, “remember who saved you,” he whispers at Judy, his hot breath on Peter’s ear as a by-product. Oh no.

“I’m sorry your cat loves me more than he loves you, the truth hurts.” Peter retorted.

“You know what else hurts, _bullets_ , Peter. Keep talking like that and you’ll have that first-hand experience of pain.” Wade countered with his eyes squinting at him.

“Wade Wilson, did you just threaten _Spiderman?_ How dare you.” Peter gasped with mock offense, placing his hand to press against his own chest.

“No one is safe from the wrath of me, especially when it has to do with Judy.”

“I’m _quaking_ right now, I’m _so_ scared.” Peter taunted, rolling his eyes that held a smile.

“Just you wait, Petey, you’ll see.”

“O-kay José.” Peter shrugged.

Peter slept over more after that. His place seemed to be collecting dust, the fridge emptying slowly, while he filled up Wade’s fridge with his own food. “Dietary Reasons” of course, even if that was the biggest load of bullshit in the history of the entire world, ever. He only seemed to be coming to his place to grab the occasional item, and Wade’s couch had become his second bed. They didn’t talk about it, it just happened. Sure, there were of handed jokes about it, but it wasn’t something serious. Kinda. Maybe. Well, Peter doesn’t know.

They were _kinda_ living together. It would be _weird,_ but it wasn’t. It wasn’t _weird_ with Wade, maybe the only _weird_ thing about it was how it wasn’t _weird_ in a _weird_ way. He's said weird too many times now, but you get the point. Peter would wake up, eat some breakfast and head to work. He would come home, (and the fact that he calls it home now), take Judy for a walk, and then watch TV with Wade until he fell asleep on Wade’s couch. If he was patrolling that day, he and Wade would do their patrol, then watch TV, and then Peter would practically pass out on Wade’s couch. It became a routine, and it was so damn domestic but felt so nice he wasn’t going to say anything about it. _He even had a side in the shower._

Yeah, the couch was uncomfortable but it smelled like Wade, though it was also starting to smell like Peter too, at this point. He would get a crick in his neck most of the time, and sometimes Peter would complain about it, earning a massage from Wade. It took God’s strength to not pop a chubby in those moments like, _hot damn_ that man had hands sent from above. It was all so worth it. He really needs to stop saying that.

Then, one day he gets a cold. It’s gross. Like, really gross. His throat hurt like a bitch, and his nose was leaking snot like the germ faucet that it was. The only plus side was that Wade took care of him. He brought him tea and soup, letting Judy cuddle with him. He even got to sleep in Wade’s bed, it felt like laying on clouds. Sure, he got cat hair in his eye every once and a while, but it was so _worth it._ Shit. There he goes again. The first night, Wade was keeping Peter company in his(?) bed, pulling up Peter’s laptop and watching Parks and Rec, like almost all night.

Peter started to feel his eyes get heavy, and soon enough he fell asleep. When he woke the next morning, Wade was there too, sleeping soundly. By soundly, he actually means loudly, because Wade  _snores._ Like an _asshole._ He made a mental note to buy nose strips along with 34 boxes of tea, and then jostled Wade awake, who apparently did not like that at all. Next thing he knows he’s looking down the barrel of a .22 pistol, and looking at Wade panting, eyes filled with fear yet zoned out. It was kinda a reflex, but Peter shot up on his ceiling despite protests from his aching body, and shot a web at Wade, holding him against the wall. They looked at each other for a split second, both faces filled with panic, then:

“Sorry!” They both blurted out frantically, and Peter drops down to Wade’s bed, grabbing the combat knife that Wade keeps in his nightstand, while also _ignoring some other questionable_ items, and cutting Wade free from his webs.

“Holy shit! Wade, what the _fuck?_ I mean, I’m sorry for scaring you, but do you always carry a gun under your pillow?” Peter said, sounding like a damn chain smoker with his sore throat. Jesus fuck, his throat hurt.

“Yes, Peter I do! Do _you_ always wear your web shooters to bed?” Wade barked, sounding exasperated and out of breath.

“Touche. What just happened?” Peter looked down at his wrists because he kinda forgot he wore them literally all the time. Oops?

“I got like, you know- PTSD, or whatever. So like, jostling me awake isn’t really a good idea, Peter.” Wade waved him off, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Peter didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could really say, he knew everything else he wanted to say was nothing Wade wanted to hear.

“It’s not your fault, don’t be all sorry in that big ‘ol head of yours,” Wade said and ruffled Peter’s hair, walking out of their(?) room, towards Wade’s kitchen.

“My head is not big!” Peter whined, well, whined as best he could, his throat still hurt like a _bitch._ Which means, he needs tea, like right now. He started to fix up a cup for himself while Wade works on scrambled eggs for him, which is honestly the sweetest thing in the entire world because Peter didn’t even have to ask Wade, he just knew. Peter set his mug in the microwave and then moved to feed Judy, who was now meowing up a storm at this point. It would be annoying if his meows weren’t so cute and high pitched, it was like rays of sunshine and positivity left his mouth every time he meowed. Peter sets down the bowl, then gives Judy a quicky little pet even though all Judy is focused on right now is the bowl in front of him.

“Bastard. Only cares about food and not my love.” Peter says with mock betrayal.

“Like father, like son.” Wade quipped at Peter, looking over at him briefly before going back to… whatever that is. Peter’s not going to pretend to understand how to make eggs. He wasn’t complaining, the sight of Wade making him food in his jammies on a lazy Sunday was a very nice one. It made his heart go all fuzzy and warm, yet ache because this is exactly what he will never have. Wade won’t be his, someone else out there is going to be able to wake in the morning looking at his stupid face, have Wade cook food for them, kiss Wade silly and dance on his bed. Peter… is nothing but a _friend_. A _friend_ that just does stupidly _domestic things_ with Wade as if he didn’t want it to be real, as if it isn’t exactly what he wants. A _friend_ that has an apartment, but doesn’t stay there anymore, because why would he want to go home when Wade’s right here? _Wade’s home,_ and that hurts like nothing else. 

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

The microwave went off, quite  _rudely_ interrupting his inner monologue. Peter grabbed his mug, not caring that it burned a little bit. Okay, maybe he did care a little bit, but that doesn’t sound as poetic. He quickly added some honey for his throat and joined Wade at the glorified square with legs that they called a dinner table.

Peter’s chewing on his unsalted soggy scrambled eggs (just the way he likes it) and Wade’s eating his own eggs. Peter takes a quick glance at his phone, and his attention is peaked when he looks at the date. It’s nearing the end of the month, shit. Aka, he gotta pay rent soon, which kinda seems pointless because he’s practically been living with Wade for the past 27 days. Not… that he’s counting.

Okay, he totally is, but that’s not important. Because now Peter is trying to find a way to ask Wade if he can live with him, like permanently. Like, how does one even ask such a thing? _“Oh, hey can I just totally invade your privacy and live with you? We can split the rent and my heater still hasn’t been fixed and I kinda really, really, love living with you? I know there’s only one bedroom but maybe we can just share a bed because we’re friends? Friends do that right?”_  Yeah, like that’s ever going to fly. He’s also like pretty certain he’s overstaying his welcome. Oops.

Then Peter realizes he’s been staring into space for the past 53 seconds. Like an idiot, of course, even though he’s an adult, he has his life together. Kinda. 

“So, Petey, when are you gonna like, move in. Permanently. ‘Cos like, you’ve been here for the past 27 days. Not that I’m mad, it’s just like, let’s be roomies. It’s like a permanent slumber party. We can talk about boys and braid each other's hair.” Wade propositions while picking at his eggs, and Peter can’t help but smile and run a hand over his bald head, pointing out the irony of the idea of braiding each other's hair when Wade literally has none.

“How are we supposed to braid each other's hair, you got none.”

“I’ll wear a wig, c’mon Petey, move in with me,” Wade says softly, dangerously serious. Peter’s eyes widened, and it’s just like everything just honed in on him. This was gonna hurt, them being roommates. Wade doesn’t feel the same way and Peter’s heart is gonna break into a million stupid little pieces, but… he’s never been one to back out from the fear of pain. So yeah, it’s gonna suck in the long run but he’s going to savor every damn moment he’d have with Wade.

“Can you french braid?” Peter asked with a smirk. Wade rolls his eyes at that, like an asshole.

“I’m slightly offended that you think I wouldn’t be able to. Yes, I can do french braiding. I can do a lot of other French things too.” Wade says slyly, wearing a smirk.

“Deal.” Peter holds out his hand, which Wade takes, shaking it and Peter soaks in the feeling of his hand on his, the _warmth_ and the _stupid butterflies_ in his stomach that cause the longing for more.

Yeah, he could get used to this.

-

Pretty much nothing changed. He was just now paying half his rent but nothing really drastic changed. Patrol was easier now, they left at the same time, now not having to waste time meeting up. It went well, they mostly just helped out people and kicked some ass. So, nothing new, really. Except for the fact they slept in the same bed now. It started because Peter was sick, but then he wasn't. He never moved back to the couch. 

At first, it was a temporary thing, just until Peter found his own bed. Sure, he could have slept on the couch, but Wade _insisted_. Then, they stopped putting off the bed hunt until later, stopped saying "We'll hit up an IKEA on Saturday, or something" for they just stopped mentioning it. So, every night after patrol; Peter would crawl into their bed, and the fact that he calls it _“their”_ makes his heart do flips, with Wade, and they would sometimes talk for hours or just do their own thing. It wasn’t always easy though.

After Peter had bought Wade nose strips for the snoring, there were other… disruptions, in the night. You see, Wade had nightmares. Bad ones. It wasn’t some cliche type shit where being in your friend's arms cured it, for PTSD was _PTS-fucking-D_. They happened every once and a while, sometimes Wade would just jolt awake on the good days, and sometimes he would wake up screaming, and Peter held him, having to use his strength so that Wade couldn’t hurt the both of them. 

So Wade would wake up, sometimes reaching for the gun that was kept under his pillow, though sometimes he wouldn't. Then Peter would hold him and didn’t ask what they were about. They didn’t talk about it, it seemed to be what happened in the middle of night stayed in the night. Then, they would either put on some music or a show or sometimes sit in silence. It all really depended on the days.

Peter wasn’t perfect either. Wade wasn't the only one with problems. It varied from time to time, and while they weren’t as frequent as Wade’s were, they still sucked major monkey ballsacks. Sometimes he would dream, if one can even call it _dreaming_ , about Uncle Ben, sometimes about Aunt May, sometimes about random civilians. Sometimes it was about Wade, but there was no way in hell he could ever say it out loud. He can’t face that, not now, _not ever._

Then, most nights they would fall asleep right after, some nights being nightmare free. Wade sometimes woke up first, and when he did he would either make breakfast, or he would just wait for Peter to wake up.

When Peter woke up first, it was a different story. Well, he couldn’t be sure what Wade did while Peter was sleeping, but he was almost certain it wasn’t anywhere close to what Peter would do. See, they would occasionally wake up _spooning_ , like this was some fucking rom-com. Ridiculous. So, Peter would soak it up for a solid 5 minutes, and then slowly untangle their limbs. He would either get up to get ready to go to work, or he would wait for Wade to get his sexy ass up. He would also stare at Wade while he was sleeping, like a creep. It was just really hard not to look at attractive people, so sue him.

God, his alarm clock was a different story, and it was almost an amusing one too. Wade, hated that Peter worked. For one reason: his alarm clock was so fucking annoying. See, as a mercenary, Wade most likely works on his own schedule, so Peter is pretty positive the last thing he wants is an alarm going off in the early hours of the morning 5 days a week.

Wade even offered to _pay him to not go to work,_ that’s how much he hated it. He didn't accept, of course, he loves his job. Well, most of the time he does.

Peter would always pat his bald head when he got up in a weirdly domestic unspoken apology, and Wade would swat his hand away and groan. Every. Single. Time.

They would take Judy on his walk together, brushing shoulders and exchanging laughs while Judy minds his damn business like the cute little perfect cat that he is. Judy was always being the attention whore that he is, demanding love and affection with his cute little meows every 5 seconds. It works, every single time. He doesn't seem to be too upset by the addition in the household. Peter kinda thinks of himself as the second dad, and he feels at peace thinking about that.

They bought groceries together, with Wade with his hoodie up and a baseball cap, and Peter most likely in sweats and a stupid t-shirt. Yeah, they got stared at, but _fuck ‘em._ Peter was staring, but for a different reason; because,  _muscles._ So they would go around the local Safeway and laugh and have playful banter. It was so fucking domestic, that one nice old lady commented that they made a nice couple. God, it was getting bad but Peter couldn’t bring himself to stop. Yeah, he was getting some serious feels. Maybe _the L word,_ but Peter doesn’t want to think about that; he doesn’t think he could even if he wanted to.

It was just so good, with Wade. They did boyfriend things _without_ being boyfriends, and maybe Wade was oblivious to it, for he never said anything. Or maybe Wade was afraid of hurting Peter’s feelings, and let him have this one fucking thing. Wade was just like that, and Peter couldn’t tell if it was a blessing or a curse.

So they just do boyfriend things like sleeping in the same bed, taking their cat on walks, watch tv together, and living together. They aren’t _together_ though, for their hands brush but they never hold them, even though Peter wants to. Because they sleep in the same bed and Peter holds him when he gets nightmares and they sometimes wake up spooning for _fuck's sake_ , but they can’t even hold each other for too long. Because they aren’t like _that._

A couple weeks later it dawns on him, that for the first time in a while, Peter Benjamin Parker has _no fucking idea what to do._

-

It’s Halloween. They dressed Judy up as a Judge, ( _“get it, like Judge Judy?” “Yes Wade, I get it.”_ ) though they couldn’t find a costume, so Wade being the amazing cat dad that he is, made one. From scratch. Who knew sewing could be sexy, but somehow Wade achieves such a feat.

It doesn’t even end being worth it, for Judy got scared from all the pedestrians and wanted to go inside. So they just ordered a pizza and watched _Twitches._ They sat on their couch, with Wade’s toes digging underneath Peter’s thigh, and even though they were cold as fuck, Peter let him.

It was getting ridiculous how damn domestic they are, and Peter is just so confused on how Wade hasn’t noticed or said anything about it. His thoughts feel like a broken record, saying the same shit over and over again.

Peter watches Wade out of the corner of his eye and pretends to not notice when Wade does the same to him.

- 

A couple days later, everything went to hell.

Wade sent Peter a text letting him know he was running a couple errands and would meet him out on patrol, which was totally fine with Peter. He ignores the feeling in his stomach that just radiates jealous vibes, and pushes past those feelings to get through work.

Then, he comes home.

Everything was a _mess_ , their entire apartment was completely ransacked. Drawers pulled out completely, a window was completely broken. Peter rushed towards his secret drawer to catch for his suit and web-shooters, thanking the woman in the sky that they were still there. Peter looked around the entire apartment, looking for things that might be missing and surprisingly, there were no items missing. Only someone.

_Fuck._

Someone took _Judy._ His suspicions were confirmed when Peter came across the surprisingly neat note that stuck out in contrast to the mess that was their apartment. It was made out of stationary paper, looking to be written with a calligraphy pen, like a fucking _pretentious douchebag._ It read:

_“Dear Deadpool and random civilian that might be Spiderman, I have your cat. You both interfered with my plans to destruct and you shall pay. Not with revenge, I’m talking about money. Maybe it was a sign from God to not carry out the plan, but I’m going to get something out of this. $100,000. You have till midnight. I will not hesitate to kill the cat, no matter how cute yet scary they are. 42.4347° N, 83.9850° W. See you soon, fucktards. Sincerely, Walrusman.”_

Holy shit. Peter’s head was running wild, first off: kidnapping a _cat?_ That’s just cold-blooded. Second, Walrusman? Peter is pretty sure he would remember busting such a pretentious cunt, but who knows anymore. He seems to attract the weirdest people. So he takes out his phone and dials Wade. He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey, ba- Peter. What’s up?”

“Uh. You need to get over here, like now. Someone took him, some fucking asshole took Judy and wants hundred thousand for him. _Fuck._ ”

“I’m here.” The line suddenly disconnects, and a red light blinds Peter, blaring in the now trashed living room.

“Let me see it,” Wade says, surprisingly cold. Peter gives it to him with shaky hands, his spider-sense going off in the dull distance, yet he can tell it isn’t from Wade. Though Wade is giving some sketchy vibes right now. He can practically feel the murderous intent that is radiating throughout the room. Wade lets out a loud exhale, then makes a strong stride towards his room, and Peter follows. Wade pulls out a duffle bag, starting to arm himself with as many weapons as possible. Peter joins him, moving toward the bathroom to put his suit on. They don’t have to use words, they already know what they need to do. It sometimes feels like the most meaningful talks they have are always unsaid actions between them. Peter doesn’t know how to feel about them, but right now, he doesn’t care to. All he can think about is Judy.

Wade kicks the already broken window open, furthering shattering the glass. Wade lets out a frustrated scream, and Peter just lets him take out his anger on the innocent window. _R.I.P. window, you were good to us._ Peter follows him out to the fire escape, letting Wade hop onto his back, who had already queued up the coordinates given into google maps. The warm press of Wade’s chest on Peter’s back almost grounding the fear that Peter was feeling. He couldn’t bear the idea of losing Judy, the purest and innocent cat in the entire world. He’s just too precious.

Soon enough, they made their way to an abandoned warehouse ( _“Why is it always the warehouses?”)_ They didn’t even hesitate to bust through the doors of the warehouse, almost blinded by their own rage and worry. _Oh shit. They forgot the fucking money._

 _“Wade!”_ Peter whispered, yet Wade’s attention was on the only man in the empty warehouse. Some douchebag looking dude with a borderline Hitler stache and a caramel brown velvet suit. He was older, had many wrinkles and wore a look of complete smug and pridefulness as if kidnapping a fucking cat was an accomplishment.

“Where’s Judy,” Wade said sternly, now in front of the Walrusman? At lightning speed. The man in front just seems to laugh.

“Where’s my money?” Dick-skin asks, like a conniving micro-dick, overcompensating _asshole_ that he is.

“Cut the shit, foreskin. Where. Is. Judy.” Wade pulls a gun on him, his stare seeming to translate through the mask, “I’m not going to ask again. I have nothing to lose.” Then, Peter felt it; his spidey sense shocking through his entire body. He didn’t waste any time to attach a web on the ceiling, swinging towards turtleneck dick’s body, using the momentum to kick his pube-stache in the fucking face.

It knocks down granny-fanny and Peter webs him down a bit more, pressing the sole of his boots on his face, pushing his ugly mug further into the ground. His sense returning back the dull feeling. Fucking idiot, didn’t even bring back up.

“Now, you can either tell us where Judy is now, and you lose only one kneecap. You don’t tell us and I have to use my handy dandy metal detector, well you’ll see. I’ll get free reign, won’t I spidey?”

“No killing.”

“Still leaves me with many, _many_ options.” Wade threatens in a growl, gritting through his teeth and inching closer and closer to The Walrusman’s face. Seriously, what the fuck kind of name is “The Walrusman”? Dick-let doesn’t seem to budge, and Peter nods at Wade, signaling for him to whip at the metal detector to find Judy’s chip; it may be a long shot, but they are really desperate, they can't loose him.

Surprisingly, Wade finds Judy in literally 2 minutes. Judy was literally in a small crate in a separate room. Wade comes out of the room, snuggling Judy and pressing kisses to his stupid forehead. Oh shit, here comes the jealousy. Yet, Peter is too busy being so fucking happy to see Judy again that he doesn't even care anymore. He’s pretty sure Wade is crying right now, it’s adorable. He wants to snap a picture. Well, he actually _does_ take a picture while his foot is still firmly pressed onto the cuntbag's face.

“You are very, _very_ fucking bad at being a villain.” Peter snarls, and can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Wade hands Peter Judy, signaling for them to move with his hands, waving them away. Peter nods, knowing what’s about to happen. He can’t stop Wade, he knows that, and honestly, he really doesn't care at this point. No one fucks with Judy.

So Peter waited outside sketchy warehouse #45 for about five minutes, trying to drown out the sounds of gunshots and muffled screams by petting Judy and smothering him spiritually with love and whatever. He may or may not have been crying as well, but that’s irrelevant. Judy was safe, and even though they had one hell of a mess to clean up, right now, it was okay. They were okay. Even if Peter and Wade do boyfriend things even though they will never be boyfriends, even though sometimes Peter gets jealous of a literal cat, and sometimes Wade has nightmares and pulls a gun on him, it’s okay. Because right now, Judy is alive; Peter can feel his heart beating and hear him purring.

Wade appears later, and Peter pretends to not smell the blood. Wade calls a cab and they just sit in silence, not really sure what to say. Peter has so many things to say, but is now the time? Even though the urge to just fucking say it and stop being a pussy was stronger than ever, for his fucking priorities were put in check?

So he waits.

He waits until later that night(?) around five in the morning, when they had cleaned their tiny apartment and settling into bed, with Wade cuddling Judy and pressing more and more kisses to Judy's head. Peter turns to his side, facing Wade. There’s not much light, and maybe that helps to bring up his courage, he doesn’t know.

 _“Wade,”_ Peter whispers softly and nudges Wade’s leg softly with his own. Wade looks at him quickly, soft blue eyes filled with wonder, and maybe some fear. But what could Wade Wilson have to fear? Wade places Judy off his chest and turns to face Peter. He can’t help but smile.

“Are we finally gonna have that slumber party where we talk about boys and braid each other's hair? Because, I gotta say Petey, that shit is _way_ overdue.” Wade teases, making Peter’s heart drop even further; as if he wasn’t anxious enough already.

“Kinda.” Was all he could muster.

 _“Kinda?”_ Wade’s voice seemed to go up an octave, the way it did when he was nervous. This was not a good sign.

“Wade, uh.  I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an idiot.” Peter stumbled over his words because he didn’t think this though, like an idiot.

“You probably won’t, just spit it out.” Wade urged on, sounding understanding; it should have calmed his nerves, but It didn’t.

“It’s just that, are we gonna keep doing this?” Peter questions, his arms moving around to the best of their abilities underneath the blanket.

“Doing what?”

“This. Sleeping in the same bed, taking Judy out on walks, going grocery shopping and all that? It’s just that, Wade: We’re basically boyfriends without being boyfriends. I hate it.”

“You… hate it?” His voice went up, even higher this time. Fuck.

“No! I mean, god. I hate not being your… boyfriend without being your boyfriend. Am I making any sense?” Peter backtracked, digging himself into a deeper hole this time.

“Yeah. I mean, not really.”

“Wade. I want to date you. I guess, I really like you.”

“Oh,” Wade said, blank.

“I mean, if you don’t feel the same way, I get it. I can sleep on the couch until I find an apartment, and I like totally get it if you never wanna-”

“Shh. Shut the fuck up for one second.” Wade said softly, his finger still pressed up again Peter’s lips. Peter is pretty sure he heard his jaw audibly click shut and heard his heart pounding, his head running wild.

Then, Wade _pinched_ him.

“Ouch! What the fuck Wade!” Peter jolted and shoved Wade slightly, his heart was still pounding in his chest, begging to him to be let out.

“Sorry, just had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, or hallucinating; you know the name of the game.” Wade defended himself as if that was a rational excuse which, spoiler alert, it isn’t.

“No Wade, I actually don’t. You’re not fucking dreaming you _asshole.”_

“Well. That’s good, wait, can you repeat everything?”

“Oh my god. Wade Winston Wilson, I wanna date you. I wanna wake up and be able to look at you without having to look away, I wanna hold your hand and also have sex with you. I think about you all the time and I don’t want to have to hold these feelings inside all the time. It’s annoying, and I just… for fuck's sake Wade, do you want to be my boyfriend or not?” Peter rambled, just saying and not thinking as if that was a smart thing to do when you’re confessing your feelings to someone. Though, Peter has never claimed to be smart.

“Well, duh. You know I’m yours.” Wade smirked at him, yet his eyes held a feeling that was more genuine, almost vulnerable.

“No, I actually didn’t, but sure. I mean, Wade I was jealous of Judy. A _cat,_ for stealing your attention.”

“Well, I already knew that one.”

 _“You knew!”_ Peter playful shoved Wade, again, and also let out a whine that he would later deny even though he totally did whine. Like the toddler that he truly is.

“Of course I knew. It was funny as shit to see you get all mad about me loving my cat. Kinda pathetic but like, cute pathetic.”

“Wow, you’re such a good boyfriend, please tell me more on how pathetic I am.” Peter teased with mock annoyance, but he was smiling; he liked the way _‘boyfriend’_ felt on his tongue.

“You are so mean to me. I think we have to break up.” Wade faked his voice cracking up, wiping an imaginary tear. Peter punched him for that, because, rude. He may have pouted a little bit. They laid there just looking into each other's eyes for maybe about 4.83 seconds before Peter leaned in. It was a chaste kiss, nothing too deep or heated; it was just a kiss. It was nice, the way their lips slotted together as if they were made for each other. It was short, and maybe he wanted it like that for now. To be completely honest, he is just way too tired for sex, catnappings really take the life out of him. He adjusted his position to where he’s laying on Wade’s broad and memory foam feeling chest, laying his arm over the rest Wade’s torso, finding Wade’s hand. Peter discovered that he really, really liked holding Wade’s hand, he liked rubbing circles on the back Wade’s scarred hand, soothing it and trying to get him to feel, not just know, that Peter doesn’t care about the scars, that Peter kinda-maybe-sorta-loves Wade for who he is. The silence in the room was of a sedated one until he heard a quiet meow come out of Judy’s adorable mouth. Wade made a _‘tsk tsk tsk’_ sound to call over Judy, who happily complied, and laid on the remaining part of Wade’s chest. Wade pressed a kiss to his hair, which he really, really, liked.

His eyes started to feel heavy, maybe it was the combined sound of Wade’s heartbeat, and the sound of Judy purring. Maybe it was the tranquil feeling of yes, this is exactly what I’ve been wanting for so long, that lulled him to sleep. It didn’t matter though, none of it did. Even if tonight Wade starts screaming or Peter jumps on the ceiling, sweating and calling out Uncle Bens name, it doesn’t matter. 

Because for right now, they have this.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my longest one-shot yet. I wrote this for 6 hours straight. I'm so tired. I have school in 1 and a half hours. I'm an idiot; did I mention that? Well, anyway! I hope you enjoyed this fic! I had so much fun writing this and I'm dedicating this fic to my wonderful cat Parker (no i didn't name him after spiderman), I want to eat him he's so cute.
> 
> Leave me some comments on what you think, they help motivate me :)
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [DittyWitty](https://DittyWitty.tumblr.com/)
> 
> follow my beta! They be great: [queertrex](http://queertrex.tumblr.com/)


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